If you’re anything like me, certain foods instantly take you back to a season of life, a person, a place you hold dear. I love the way that family recipes have a way of doing that. They hold memory in a really simple, ordinary way.
I didn’t fully understand it until I lived in a new culture.
The kitchen that taught me a new language
When I married into a South Indian family, I stepped into a culinary world that felt entirely, altogether new — brighter, just-a-bit-spicier and more alive. My mother-in-law quickly became my guide.
As we made a big move to the US from India where we birthed our daughter, it felt important for us to begin capturing these recipes that shaped my husband's memory of home and childhood. To recreate them for many years to come and connect our daughter with her heritage.
But like so many gifted cooks, my mother-in-law doesn’t measure ingredients. Her recipes come from her hands and heart. The scent of mustard seeds telling her exactly when to add the coconut or the curry leaves. A pinch of this. A heap of that. It's quite remarkable, coming from someone who measures everything in fear of a failed dish.
Over the last few years, I've stood beside my mother-in-law every chance I get, asking questions, trying to translate experience into teaspoons. When she cooked, I pulled out my phone like a student taking notes for an exam... scribbling as fast as she layered spices.
Above: A recipe from my grandmother
Why it matters now
Our daughter is growing up in another culture, thousands of miles from the place where she was born. Where dosa batter ferments on countertops and sambar simmers slowly all afternoon.
Gathering these family dishes has become a way to honor and capture her memory while she's still with us: the warmth of the Kerala kitchen and the comfort of her familiar spice blends.
These aren’t just recipes, they’re her inheritance.
Above: Our daughter in her Ammachi's indian kitchen
What to collect — and how to choose
Here are some ideas for thoughtfully selecting which recipes to gather and preserve:
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Follow your emotions: Pick the dishes that evoke the greatest memory and joy for you.
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Ask the “why” question: Does this recipe mark a passage: a first apartment, a new country, a family member you love? What's the heart behind it?
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Make it shareable: Try focusing on recipes that can be shared, sent via mail, or can be boxed and gifted in some form. A sauce or mix is easier to share than a pie that needs immediate consumption.
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Which ones are special for your family?: Pick a recipe you know your other close and extended family will love and want to hold onto.
Turning these recipes into a holiday gift
Here are ideas I'd stumbled on for how to preserve them:
- Print & bind a family mini-booklet: I love that this is entirely sharable and everyone can hold onto it for years and years to come. Include photos, stories, scanned notes and the quirks that make the dish unmistakably your family's.
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- You can find some great blank recipe journal options these days that make it easy. Here's a few I've had my eye on:
- by Aarti Sequeira
- My Recipe Memories Keepsake by Promptly
- Family Recipe Book by Duncan & Stone
- You can find some great blank recipe journal options these days that make it easy. Here's a few I've had my eye on:
- Recipe + ingredients kit: A jar of your mother's seasonal canned jam, spaghetti sauce recipe or masala spice mix, tied with the story of how you experienced it or where it came from, plus the recipe card for the dish it belongs to.
- Digital version for far-away loved ones: You can even record a short video sharing the memory behind the recipe with a card... or even host a virtual cook-along around the holidays!
- Family Recipes event: Host a small gathering (in-person or remote). Share recipes, cook together and tell the story behind each dish.
My journey
When I first began trying to preserve my mother-in-law's recipes, I realized it may take a few attempts for a single recipe. Each time, I was able to focus and bring clarity to a different part of her process. Let yourself move slowly and enjoy the process.
We've documented three of her dishes this year: the tangy Moru curry that our daughter asks for multiple times a week, the beetroot and carrot thoran (side dish) that nourished me all throughout my pregnancy, and my husband's favorite: her beloved fish curry recipe that he grew up with.
We have many more to go, and I'd love to capture her sharing about these recipes and her journey of learning to cook.
Why this gift matters
Not everyone needs a new thing. But everyone can cherish something personal and meaningful, something that keeps hold of where you've come from.
Share your family's heritage in a simple way that brings everyone delight. And maybe that’s the real gift this season: capturing the memories and flavors that raised us and documenting them for others with love.
2 comments
Leave a commentMy husband is of Mexican descent and I am of German descent. We are old enough that neither of us had moms that used recipes to make the traditional dishes and our grandparents did not use recipes at all! I grew up cooking that way and continue to just use an actual recipe as a guide, often making several changes. I’m not fond of breads nor sweets, so don’t bake often. Then I must use a recipe and measure ingredients as the chemistry is important for baking! I hope you will receive more responses. I would love to hear from others.
This was really comforting to read. I didn’t grow up with food traditions or handed-down recipes, but your approach reminds me that it’s not too late to start. There’s something healing in knowing we can build new rituals, one dish and one story at a time. Thank you for sharing this!!